« The Parsha: Genesis 44:18-47:27 | Main | Hospitality »

Loneliness

Editorial Note: In an attempt to become more open on my blog, I am beginning to write more personal reflections about my own life.

Over the past year, there has been a consistent theme of loneliness running through my life. Allow me to explain. This loneliness is not an experience without God but rather is a social loneliness in the place that I find myself in over the past year. I have experienced God nearer to me and walking with me, during this season, in a more real way than I have ever experienced in my life. In the midst of this spiritual intimacy, I find in my own social life, true loneliness and a lack of real friendship where I am able to know and be known.

I have a real desire to experience this human intimacy. Not an intimacy of a sexual nature but a closeness in friendship that allows me to be vulnerable and to share at a level that is much deeper than just the daily news clippings and the weather.

A few months back I wrote the following poem:

loneliness

loneliness,
longing to be known,
longing to know,
someone other than yourself.

loneliness,
longing to share,
longing to give,
something to someone else.

loneliness,
longing to see,
longing to be with,
the heart of another.

loneliness,
longing to hear,
longing to listen to,
the fears of a lover.

loneliness,
emptiness,
brokenness,
sadness,
fallenness.

Just last week, I was having dinner with a friend who challenged and exhorted me. We had just finished talking about Kingdom of God. We both are seeking the Kingdom of God to reign in our hearts and lives. We are broken sinners that are seeking God. Both having been humbled by life's circumstances and the brokenness that we have contributed to, we are genuine Kingdom seekers. My friend said something that has stuck with me. He said, "Brian, you should be prepared for loneliness if you continue to pursue God like you are currently pursuing Him." He went on to explain that today in America there are fewer and fewer Kingdom seekers and those who are seeking the Kingdom find themselves in strange circumstances even in the midst of most churches.

I have seen this to ring true. Whether it is in my fellowship of my peers at church, the intergenerational groups that I participate in or even in a couple small groups I am a part of. I am continually feeling like I am left on the outside with few fellow Pilgrims on this journey. I long to find fellow Kingdom seekers to share the journey with but I am beginning to heed my friend's advice and be content with experiencing human loneliness and find deep fellowship in Christ.

Posted by B.A. on January 7, 2006 12:00 AM | Permalink